


I'm Here

by sakalinte00



Series: Thirty-Prompt: Forest Fire [2]
Category: Magic: The Gathering
Genre: F/F, I Will Go Down With This Ship, awkward Chandra, cool baby gay Nissa, heart to heart, other Gatewatch members mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 05:56:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13451943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakalinte00/pseuds/sakalinte00
Summary: Chandra and Nissa have a heart-to-heart under the stars, but where exactly are they?





	I'm Here

**Author's Note:**

> Magic: The Gathering is the property of Wizards of the Coast.  
> All mistakes are mine.
> 
> It got long. I had a short outline, but forgot to check it when I started writing this. I was too lazy to rewrite and just decided to slap the outline on and got this 4,500-word mess. :)

Chandra awoke from a dream of Ghirapur. It wasn’t unpleasant as the other dreams she had had of late, but it had left a heavy weight in her chest.

She pushed herself out of the four-post bed Jace had provided for her. It was an insignificant wooden single bed with adequate, plain white sheets. The hardwood floor was spotless, save for her discarded clothes and her dented armor in one pile between the bed and the door.

The first three times that Chandra had bolted awake in the week, she struggled to return to sleep, afraid of half-seeing what she may truly never see again, afraid of wanting more of it, afraid of being less of who she was.

So, this time, the fourth time, she was out into the hallway, only pulling her mother’s shawl across around her hips, as she made her way to Jace’s roof deck.

Chandra was vaguely aware of the hour, but it was dark out when she caught a glimpse of Ravnica’s skyline. The millions of sharp towers and boring rooftops stretched into the horizon. Chandra had never dared to walk too far from Jace’s home by herself. It was a ridiculous feeling, given she could just _walk_ back to a familiar place and that she had ventured into foreign planes with barely an idea of where she would be and where she would go.

But some days, Chandra liked to **know** what she was doing, to **know** where she was going and to **know** that she was going to be safe and sound.

She was glad she had forgone her boots and armor, content with her nightshirt and her mother’s shawl, the latter providing a warmth both tangible and abstract. Chandra didn’t mind making too much of a racket when she would stomp through Jace’s home in the day, attracting all sorts of attention from her – colleagues? _Team? **Friends?**_

Tonight, she wanted to be alone, to not give Jace a chance to tell her to buck up and prioritize her work for the Gatewatch, to not hear the disapproving huff Gideon would give her, to avoid the condescending nonchalance of Liliana and Nissa’s prodding gaze and silent judgment.

Jace had always been so stuck-up since she and the Mind-Reader first met and Gideon was as stubborn as an ox. Nissa was quiet and odd and was a little intimidating, maybe a little bit more intimidating than Liliana. At least, with the Necromancer, Chandra was certain that Liliana thought of her as the runt of the litter. She had been quite vocal about it in the past

The roof deck was the perfect place. Nobody liked being there. Chandra doubted Jace was aware he even had one; Gideon wasn’t exactly the guy who very much liked heights and Nissa probably preferred to be in the garden. Liliana **might** be someone who would want to be staring out into the horizon, or looking at the stars. Maybe.

But she wasn’t here during the night. She lived somewhere else on Ravnica that Chandra didn't know about.

Chandra shuffled out to the roof deck and felt the sudden shift in temperatures, the slight breeze caressing her cheeks, her fingers and her legs. It was only in this moment that Chandra realized how cold Ravnica could be, always mildly heating her bedroom so that it would feel as if she were still in Keral Keep.

She sat over the railing, one foot firmly planted on the ground and her other foot tapping against the marble baluster. Ravnica was no doubt beautiful, vast, encompassing and so full. Below, there were still a few people wandering the streets, heads bent or hidden in heavy hoods.

The hoods reminded her of Regatha again. **Her** home. Or is Ghirapur her home? Would it still be called a home if she’d never set foot there in… probably a year? A decade? 

This Planeswalker business was never clear to begin with. Why was she chosen to be a Planeswalker? Was it because she was born a pyromancer? Did she accidentally say the magic words and the universe had chosen her for the slaughter?

A million thoughts she didn’t want to think about. Chandra wanted to get some air, twenty minutes tops, and then go back to bed. Gideon was going to give her hell if she overslept again. Jace and Nissa didn’t care much.

“How come they never question Liliana if she oversleeps when she shows up in the afternoon?” Chandra mumbled to herself, chewing on her bottom lip as she pushed herself away from the railings.

The sharp rooftops in front of her no longer fascinated her. In fact, it had only made Chandra feel worse. They sort of looked like the city skyline of Ghirapur, if she squinted and Chandra barely had her eyes open.

She sighed and felt heat rising to her head.

Absently, she patted her hair down, wondering if her emotions were going to set her head on fire again. These days, her fiery hair accidents had boiled down to special occasions and she had always been mindful of her power, after Jace had lectured her about the importance of _not setting his house on fire whenever she felt anything other than boredom._

No, she wasn’t on fire. It was odd since her feelings felt very powerful right now, deep, heavy, as if it would never go away.

Chandra turned back to the city, lit windows in the distance, distant chattering and a night life that bordered between silent, full and, at the same time, lonely. Ravnica felt like a crowded, bustling city in a ghost town.

“Maybe…” Chandra whispered, excitement dancing in her chest.

She had an idea – a reckless one, a dangerous one and somewhat imminently fruitless, but at least the **doing it** would tire her enough so she could go back to sleep.

Chandra climbed on top of the railing, her mother’s shawl flapping in the night breeze, caressing her legs like a flowing river gently passing around her. She stared down below, at the dark, empty street. One wrong move, a slight push or a weak grip and Chandra would plummet to the ground that would no longer be empty and would probably no longer be dark if the fall would set her head on fire.

She edged to the her left, hugging the marble column and whispering her curses to Jace’s poor taste in architecture. Or maybe she should curse the Ravnicans and their smooth and cold buildings and the definitely sharp roofs of the buildings.

Chandra had now just thought of falling off the roof deck and impaling herself on one of those prickly rooftops.

She bit her lip and prayed, instead, that putting herself on the line like this was going to be worth it when she reached the top.

She hauled herself up, slowly, fingers searching for purchase, a crack, a foothold anything. Chandra reevaluated her fear of heights, of whether it had always been there or she was just too stupid to realize just how easily she could fall.

With great strength and a thousand mental battles, Chandra had managed to peek onto the rooftop, glad that she was staring at a low gable instead of the incredibly steep ones that she could see from outside of Jace’s house.

“This should be high enough.” Chandra thought as she threw one leg over the edge and clumsily rolled onto the dusty surface.

She stared up at the sky and frowned. There weren’t much stars here, not like it was in Regatha, where the stars would litter the skies and challenge the volcanic fields below to a duel of light. No, there were few stars here, much fewer than Ghirapur, if she remembered correctly.

Chandra turned her head and felt some rocks digging into her scalp and her cheek. Naturally, she would have gotten herself up and dusted herself off, but the disappointment was palpable, debilitating.

In the distance, Chandra could see only more buildings, poking out of the earth and fading as the mist shrouded it. She thought that maybe, this was going to be like in Ghirapur. Ravnica had been similar to the cities of Kaladesh in more ways than one, but this was different. Perhaps, Ravnica was just as endless as she thought.

There weren’t any mountains here that she could see.

Chandra turned to the sky once more. This was the only thing that Ravnica, Ghirapur and Regatha had in common, even if it wasn’t exactly the same. A starry night sky was still a starry night sky and Chandra could pretend to be anywhere she wanted to be. Although she could be wherever she wanted to be, but the last time she had planeswalked without saying a word, she had set off a chain of events that led to them almost dying, but saving each other and then she almost destroyed a city.

She was… discontented.

 “Buck up and deal with it, Chandra.” she whispered as she mimicked Jace’s voice.

Something was missing. There was a void in her heart and nothing, not the warmth of Regatha, the endless possibilities and honor of Ravnica and the mother she had waiting for her in Ghirapur, could ever quite fill it.

“You don’t intend to sleep here, do you?”

Chandra shot up from the floor, her hair and fists engulfed in flames. She scanned the rooftop, glad for the visual help her flames had given her and saw a pair of bright green eyes staring right at her in horror.

“It’s only me, Chandra.” Nissa said, raising her hands in surrender as she took one small step closer to her.

Chandra didn’t move. She just watched Nissa, wondered how she had gotten up here, but not quite asking the question. She knew that she should relax, put out her hair and her fists, but she was frozen in shock, her heart racing and her mind spinning from how fast she had gotten from the floor to standing. She felt like she was about to implode.

“Chandra, please calm down.” Nissa’s voice was so soft, so barely audible because of the fire crackling in Chandra’s ears, but she had heard the elf, had heard the crack in her voice, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Chandra lowered her fists and willed herself to calm down. The fires had slowly died out, starting with her fists and, eventually, her hair. She suddenly felt so cold, missing the heat of her flames as a slight breeze caressed her bare legs. She could smell smoke in the air and no doubt, Nissa could smell it too.

“You didn’t scare me.” Chandra said indignantly as she dropped her gaze to a flickering streetlamp far below.

“Well…” Nissa’s voice had gotten even softer and Chandra wondered if the elf had moved away from her, “I’m sorry I _alarmed_ you then. I thought I was alone up here, but then I heard your Jace-voice and…”

Chandra looked at Nissa, ashamed of how the elf began coddling her like a bruised child. Yup, she was the runt of the litter. She was the only one in the litter. That wouldn’t be a litter then. Chandra bit her lip again and waited for Nissa to finish what she was saying. It was the closest thing to being a **_mature, functioning adult_** that she could muster.

“You scared me.” Nissa added and she added it with a soft smile that looked like a forgiveness or a change of subject or… Chandra didn’t know what it looked like, but it didn’t look like something she had seen on Jace or Gideon or – gods forbid – Liliana.

“I’m sorry.” Chandra mumbled as she flapped her arms like a bird and slapping her open palms against her thighs. She felt like a child, the stench of smoke in the air and – heck – she probably looked like one with the flapping. So, she stopped, folded her arms over her chest and frowned.

“It’s quite alright, Chandra.” Nissa said softly.

Softly. How could her voice be **_this_** _soft?_ Is she not tired of speaking so softly? Chandra recalled a time she had tried to use whispering as a form of communication in Keral Keep, but that had put a strain on her vocal cords and it had proven to be quite an annoyance to the other monks during prayer.

“What are you doing up here?” Chandra quickly said in what she thought was a whisper. Her voice was shrill and she and Nissa both winced.

“I’m…” Nissa nodded once, looking away from Chandra, “I couldn’t sleep.”

Chandra nodded at that, following Nissa’s gaze to a building in the distance. She looked back at Nissa, the elf looking very glum and Chandra didn’t need that much moonlight to see the frown on her face. Chandra shivered slightly when another breeze blew past. Nissa had only wrapped her cloak tighter around herself.

“Were you hoping the exercise of scaling this stupid house’s slippery walls was going to knock you out as well?” Chandra laughed nervously as she studied her toes.

She was waiting for Nissa’s response, but the elf just stared at her, mouth half-parted and eyes wide in confusion. Chandra watched Nissa’s right hand twitch and her left one bunching her intricately woven… skirt? Dress skirt?

Chandra was familiar with the difficulty of communicating with Nissa, but she had forgotten about it. Again. The elf was not a master of talking like the rest of the Gatewatch. She was special.

Chandra scratched the back of her neck, wanting to explain, feeling the words splutter out even though she had heard Nissa begin to speak with her, “What I meant –“

“As well?” Nissa blinked and waited for Chandra to continue.

“So, you –“ Chandra stuttered.

“I understood.” Nissa nodded with a smile, “But, you have trouble sleeping too?”

“Been having weird dreams lately.” Chandra began flapping her arms about, but stopped herself before she smacked her thighs, “I thought I’d see the stars, you know, get tired from the climb or – a climb – or a heart attack **from** the climb – climb up here.”

Nissa’s expression hadn’t changed at all. Her eyebrows were stitched together, lips still half-parted and her right hand twitched again, but this time, the elf craned her head in the hopes that, by doing that, she could understand what Chandra was saying.

“How did you get up here?” Chandra laughed a little too loudly, this time, swinging her left foot, back and forth. She avoided Nissa’s eyes, worried that she might see the elf’s confusion turn into disdain.

“A tree brought me here.” Nissa said softly, coolly, kindly and that was all it took for Chandra to peek through her mop of red hair to see the elf smiling at her with a sad twinkle in her green eyes.

“Like, you had one stretch you up here?” Chandra supplied with a nervous smile, one tentative step forward.

“Yes.” Nissa shook her head, but the smile was still there, “I wanted to see the stars.”

“Yeah, me too.” Chandra muttered, taking one more step closer.

Chandra was afraid that another gust of wind would knock her off of the roof and send her careening into the street below. She thought of falling stars and how they flickered briefly in the sky before they disappeared, but then again, she would be a comet because they would definitely find her in a crater if she did fall.

Nissa must have sensed Chandra’s fear. The elf held out her hand, silently beckoning Chandra closer or to hold it. Maybe Nissa could see in the dark and had just wanted to lead Chandra to safety.

There were many things Chandra didn’t know about her, but she knew Nissa Revane was a creature of habit. She was quiet and disliked being around the Gatewatch for too long. She had made her Oath, maybe in a sort of desperation to get the others to help her save her home plane. When they all had no need to be around each other, Nissa would be out in the garden, whispering to the plants or just sitting under a tree.

That was what Nissa was like to Chandra – a tree. Solid, deeply rooted, strong, not at all imposing, but larger than life.

Chandra blushed at the thought, closing the gap between her and Nissa, but not taking her hand and allowing the elf to lead her to the center of the roof, where the elf had invited her to sit. Nobody would want to be called a tree, especially not _larger than life._

Chandra bit her tongue and folded in on herself, once more grateful she had forgone her armor, but feeling a little bit vulnerable. Nissa’s silence didn’t help her feel better.

“The stars here suck though!” Chandra clamped a hand over her mouth. She had practically shouted and Nissa had big ears and that was not a very good thought and this was much worse than calling her a tree.

But Nissa laughed, her soft voice a little bit louder, but no less kind than it had been the entire time that they were up on the roof. Chandra felt a little bit better, but she buried both her hands into her own hair, the smell of smoke still clung to the air, worried that she had set herself on fire again.

She was glad Nissa was busy wrapping herself in her cloak. Chandra felt incredibly silly and it would be an embarrassment if the elf would see her acting as silly as she always was.

“There aren’t much stars here, no.” Nissa rephrased and turned to Chandra, “Not like in Kaladesh or Zendikar.”

There was a certain inflection in the way Nissa had said Zendikar, a pained one and Chandra understood why Nissa was here and why **she** was up here.

“You miss Zendikar.” Chandra didn’t ask and Nissa didn’t need to answer.

“You miss Ghirapur.” Nissa sighed, “It’s not the same – Ravnica, Bala Ged, Ghirapur, Lorwyn or Regatha. Everything’s different here. I came up here to see if there were forests in the distance, but I only see buildings.”

Chandra laughed sourly, “I came up here to see if there was something here like Mount Keralia. But you’re right, there’s just buildings and then more buildings. It’s kinda like Ghirapur, but there weren’t **this much** buildings there. Buildings everywhere!”

Nissa laughed, “Endless buildings.”

Chandra stiffened and quieted. She felt silly again, felt like the little kid who had said something distasteful in the middle of a social gathering. She was waiting for Jace to shake his head at her, for Gideon huff and gruff and for Liliana to laugh at her.

Runt.

“I’m sorry.” Chandra said softly, hugging her bare legs close to her and burying her nose in between her knees, “I talk too much. I say too much. I’m bumbling again. It’s stupid, I know.”

Nissa leaned closer, to try to get a look at her. Chandra slightly turned herself away, not wanting the elf to pity her or maybe even laugh at her. That was a pretty horrible mistake and had only made Nissa scoot a little bit closer.

Nissa was not quite like herself. Nissa Revane was a creature of habit, but right now, she didn’t have her staff with her. She was almost never without her staff. She was quiet and disliked being around everyone, but did she really just move closer to Chandra? Did she just reach out and held Chandra’s wrist?

“You just think too much.” Nissa squeezed her wrist and suddenly pulled herself away.

Chandra turned back to her, watched the elf wrap herself in her cloak and smile at her in the darkness. Was she really hanging on the rooftop with Nissa or was this an impostor? Because Nissa would never initiate contact, not with her. Nissa would never smile this much. The woman never smiled, not at her.

“You say things plainly.” Nissa continued, smile unwavering, “Honesty isn’t bad, Chandra. I… I wish I were like you. Honest. Brave.”

Chandra grimaced and shook her head, “What are you talking about? You wanna be a rambling runt like me?”

“You’re no–“

“ **I** wanna be more like **you**!” Chandra interjected, waving her hands in the air, “You’re dependable, and – me? Brave? No, **you’re** brave. And strong! The Gatewatch totally respects you. You’re like the big sister of the bunch. Smart, mature.”

“Siste–“

“Totally cool.” Chandra nodded enthusiastically, “Like you can summon a legion of trees and oh, that sword in your staff. Really cool. I didn’t even know you could use that. I mean, we’ve known each other for **a while** , but I never suspected your staff to have a sword in it!”

“Chandra, please.” Nissa spoke a little bit louder and grabbed one of Chandra’s hands, “You’re being too hard on yourself. You’re… There are… I wish I had your optimism and I wish I was honest like you. And I wish you’d not think too highly of me.”

The elf stopped smiling as she let go of Chandra’s hand and moved away from her. Chandra had said the wrong thing again. She bit her tongue and sat upright, clasping her fingers together over her lap. Had she been this close to lighting herself on fire again? Did Nissa know? It was most likely something she had said. Why was she sad?

So, Chandra sat quietly, watching for any changes in the view. Hoping for anything. She wanted to throw herself off the roof and be the comet that she said she would be, if she would make one wrong move. Because Chandra Nalaar, the rambling runt, had made the wrong move.

It felt like an eternity – the quiet. Nissa didn’t move at all, back straight as a board and her body under the warmth of her cloak. She was looking at the horizon too, but the sadness in her eyes was still there and Chandra wondered if she’d ever smile again.

“I’m sorry.” Chandra whispered.

Nissa shook her head, “You didn’t do anything wrong, Chandra.”

“But…” Chandra drawled, “You’re mad at me? You’re ignoring me. Cold shoulder. Silent treatment.”

“I like the silence.” Nissa conceded, “I used to, at least.”

Chandra bit her lip and looked at Nissa’s profile. The elf had really nice cheek bones and bright green eyes. She would save Nissa a pathetic question, but she leaned closer to let her know she was interested to hear it.

“The silence meant I could be close to Zendikar,” Nissa smiled weakly, “or to whichever plane I was in. It made me feel like I had a connection, an anchor to the world.”

Chandra understood Nissa. A little bit. She nodded and hoped the elf would continue.

“But there’s no silence anymore.” Nissa’s voice cracked, “There’s just a window for my mind to bring up all that I had lost; my mother, my home and I… I regret so many things. To make matters worse, I hear **her** voice sometimes and it terrifies me.”

**Her.**

Chandra knew who Nissa meant. They have never spoken about **her** outside of battle after what happened in Innistrad, but Chandra knew that Nissa could still hear her voice, could still feel tendrils squirming about, stretching from her hands and from her eyes.

There were many things Chandra didn’t know about her, but she found herself reaching for Nissa shoulder, the only part of her that she could make out from under her cloak. Because Chandra was not quite like herself, not tonight, not right now.

Right now, she felt like everything Nissa said she was: honest and brave.

“Don’t worry, Nissa.” Chandra felt Nissa flinch at her touch, but the elf eventually leaned into it and looked at her, “You’ve got us. You’ve got Jace and Gids and – heck – even Liliana!”

“The Gatewatch.” Nissa said dryly, but at least the sadness in her eyes was gone, “I’m still getting used to the idea of the Gatewatch. There’s distrust and half-truths in the air. I can feel it.”

That was true – the distrust and the half-truths. There was also the treating her like a little girl and dancing around her with smirks on their faces. Liliana had secrets and Jace… He was a big reclusive nerd and he probably has secrets too. Gideon basically huffed and grumbled most of the time and it didn’t take a genius to know he didn’t trust Chandra to be alone with his gym equipment again.

Apart from Liliana, Nissa was a confidante to Jace and Gideon. She had seen the way the boys had worked with Nissa in Zendikar, discussing the plan with the hedrons and the war with the Eldrazi. Nissa and Jace had their telecommunicating, there was that. And Gideon and Nissa had the war stuff in common.

“Geez,” Chandra thought, “there really is so much I don’t know about her.”

Nissa cocked an eyebrow. Chandra had been oddly quiet for a while, conversing with herself about the things Nissa Revane had in common with the Gatewatch.

“You trust me, right?” Chandra croaked and winced.

That sounded like something a child would ask, so small, so fragile and so pathetic. This was probably much worse than telling Nissa she was like a tree.

Nissa’s eyes widened and Chandra wondered if she had said the wrong thing again. All too quickly, the elf buried her chin into her cloak, her wide green eyes still staring into Chandra’s amber eyes.

“Only you.” Nissa whispered.

Her voice had sounded a little bit different and in the blink of an eye, Nissa threw her head back and looked up at the sky. Chandra felt a smile creep across her lips and she felt the swell of pride budding in her chest, the confidence of a twelve-year-old – invincible and bursting with energy.

“I’m not much, but I can try.”

It was a silent promise, an oath just as strong as the one she had made in Zendikar, but this one was different, deeper, personal. Maybe it was because this was the oath of Chandra Nalaar, rambling runt and bumbling mess, to Nissa, who could crush her in an instant.

 Chandra looked up at the stars too and watched them shimmer in the night sky. They were weren’t much, but it wasn’t as if Ghirapur hadn’t had a starless sky. Regatha’s volcanoes had once outshined the heavens.

“I’m here.” Chandra whispered with a rise in her voice. It wasn’t the sudden gust of wind that made her shiver. Chandra could feel the electricity, the excitement of a possibility that she could feel full-force, but not quite understand just yet.

Chandra wasn’t sure what she meant when had said that. For a single moment, she wasn’t in Ravnica, nor was she in Regatha or Ghirapur or Theros or Zendikar. For a single moment, _here_ was enough, wherever _here_ was.

Perhaps the _here_ that was enough was her new home. It was everything like the bustling streets of Ghirapur, the thrill that lurked in every corner and wafting in the scents of the street markets. It was everything like the heavy silence of Keral Keep, the echoes of footsteps in the monastery and the rhythmic prayers in the mornings.

 _Here_ was everything like it could be and everything like it already was – a new home and a new family – and it scared her.

“I’m here too.” Nissa whispered back.

Perhaps _here_ was exactly where she was, sitting on the rooftop, under the night sky, a hand reaching out to hold her own and then everything felt right again, even if it’s just for a little while.


End file.
